Being Jeanne...

Saturday has become my favorite day of the week. Yes, I'm home all the time but on Saturday I can sleep in and do what I want. Work has been becoming a bit much. Sitting with a camera on constantly takes a toll. Anyway...back to Saturdays. A full day of just being me. Hanging out with Jerry and Nutmeg. It's the best! So that's my official grateful thing for today. ☺️

I'm not feeling happy today. I just want to sleep. So today I'm grateful that my partner supports my decision to head to bed at 7pm. I sad a nap but it will probably be all night. 

I'm grateful for fish and tater tots!! One of my favorite quick meals. I'm that kid that loved fish sticks, so this is right up my alley. 

Hmmm....grateful...grateful...so much to be grateful for but specifically today?  My life. I'm not talking about the heart beating, blood rushing through vessels, breathing kind of life, I'm talking about my past experiences. I have had so many. Today someone on TikTok posted a "Tell me you were in marching band, with out telling me you were in marching band..." Of course I did a duet. It got me thinking about all the wonderful people and experiences that I had just because I was in Marching band. In high school we travelled to Disney World. In college...well....SO many experiences. I wouldn't trade those memories and experiences at all. Even the hard/rough/sad ones.  So yeah, I'm grateful for marching band and all it's done in shaping the person that I am.   

Day 52: I'm grateful that I can sleep in until noon. No judgement from Jerry, just peaceful sleep. Day 53: I'm grateful for yummy Everything Bagel seasoning. A new discovery for me and so young on eggs, chicken...Can't wait to try it other places. Day 54: I'm grateful I'm still working from home. I'm feeling anxious about COVID right now. More people I know are getting sick. I was feeling pretty lucky that it was away from my bubbles of people. Also, in having insomnia as I post at 3am... So getting up at the last minute to work is a bonus!!

This morning was lazy and wonderful. Jerry went and got a haircut, double masked of course. Then he wanted to try a reverse omelette that he has seen on TikTok. So after he made his and having a taste, I made my own. I mentioned the veggies from local farms, I forgot to say we also get our eggs. Getting eggs delivered each week has been the best. The pandemic has been hard and Local Fare Jax has been a blessing. I'm grateful for the fresh goodies we get each week. 

Today I'm grateful for potato salad. Really?? Potato salad?  Yes. Jerry makes some amazing potato salad and we have been fortunate to find a local farm co-op that delivers to our porch. So the produce is fresh and yummy! jerry uses red potatoes in his recipe and we have plenty right now. Olso while really I'm grateful for our farm to porch service, without them...I couldn't have Jerry's super yummy potato salad. 

Way to drop the ball there Jeanne! Day 47 I dont even remember what was going on. I guess that is kind of a blessing, it means nothing bad happened. Right? Day 48 Jerry's birthday!! He is two years older than me. Not really but the math works out until March. I'm grateful to be able to laugh and kid around with such a funny husband. He had a rough day with work but over all he said it was a good day.  Day 49 Weird day at work. A few of my meetings for virtual classes were cancelled so it was a lot of waiting around for the student to contact me or wait for the next class. I am doing an online course though the district and I was able to knock out a few of the "courses". So I'm grateful for the time to develop my professional skills.  Alright..whew...caught up. Maybe I need to tie a sting around my finger to remind me to post. 😏

Day 45  Happy Valentine's day! Today I'm thankful nfor a husband who is also my best friend and partner. I can't imagine a day without him. Day 46 Happy President's day. Our district was closed today so I go to rest and relax. Did some gaming. Had a lunch that takes longer than a work day lunch period. It was nice. I'm grateful for holidays. 

We are really trying to stay safe and COVID-19 free. We only go out for doctor appointments, and work. Work is rare though as we both work from home. Jerry has to go in from time to time and I usually have to go in to sign my time sheets. So today I'm thankful for grocery delivery. We use both Instacart and Shipt. Depends on the store. 

Day 42 I'm grateful for food delivery services. I didn't feel like cooking so, we had La Nopalera for dinner and it was yummy. Day 43 I ordered another bird feeder to add to our collection. We are really enjoying watching the birds and squirrels compete for peanuts. I didn't know Bluejays liked peanuts. So I'm thankful we found this new little hobby to keep us entertained. 

Today I'm grateful.for....ya know...this is tough today. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of good I'm my life but today I feel off. ... And I feel that it's okay to not be okay from time to time.  it's spaghetti night.... So I'm thankful for yummy pasta. There....see.... Did it!

Today I'm grateful for quick and tasty recipes. it's Taco Tuesday so I made taco soup.with ground pork, diced onions,  a can of fire roasted tomatoes, a can of corn, a can of black beans,  and a packet of gluten free taco seasoning. After browning the meat, you add everything and heat. I also added a can full of water. 

I got new dining chairs today. They are half way unpacked because we are both working and don't have the time right now. So today I'm grateful for new chairs. Our current ones are tattered and torn. I'm hoping to keep Nutmeg 🐈 from scratching on them.

Today is Superbowl Sunday. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Last year was super weird so while I'm sure we will watch some it, I don't have any high expectations.  So....what am I grateful for today. Our Sunday routine. Today is the day we usually do laundry and any other chores around the house. Is it mundane, sure. It's also very comforting to know what the plan for the day is. So.... Laundry day, yay!! 🎉

Lazy Saturdays with Jerry are my favorite. He cracks me up!  Today, I'm grateful for a marriage that is a partnership. I'm super lucky as he takes really good care of me. He is by far the caretaker in this couple. Yes, I take care of things but he does those little things. I have a problem with my fingers cracking lately so he makes sure that things are "paper cut free". Seriously, I can get a cut from folding laundry.   Did I mention, he is super funny too!?!

Today I found out that my uncle died of COVID. He had dementia and I know that was really hard on him but apparently he got covid in January and declined after that. I'm super sad. I am grateful though that my aunt was able to tell me through Facebook Messenger. I know a lot of people are like.... Why would you be grateful for getting a message through Facebook about your uncle dying? She didn't have my phone number so this was the only way she could let me know so.... Today I'm grateful for Facebook Messenger.

Day 34 I'm thankful for naps. Those after work, I can't keep my eyes open naps that let you function. Day 35 I'm grateful to have a job that gives me sick time to use when I have doctor appointments. Even though I hate having my eyes dialated I enjoyed having the day off to let my eyes rest. 

My posts didn't publish yesterday. So double posts today. Annoying, right?!? It's okay though, things happen. I'm learning to be okay with things not always going my way. It's a tough pill to swallow at times.  Last night we had rice with vermicelli. It was pretty good but when I looked at the label I noticed it had wheat in it. I have been gluten free for years now. I made up my mind that if I don't feel well that it will be okay, and I'll get through it instead of dwelling on it. I took some Benadryl last night before bed and am feeling okay today. So I am thankful for Benadryl. That's right! Scientist have come up with a way to reduce histamine in a body through a tiny pink pill. GO SCIENCE!!

Day 31 I'm grateful for lazy days. I didn't get out of bed until 11:30 and then spent the day watching TikTok videos with Jerry. We laughed a lot! Day 32 I had to get up and go today. Jerry's car wasn't holding a charge. So just like my car, we took it in for some TLC and a new battery. I'm grateful that we are able to financially afford to keep our cars running well. 

Today I'm attending a workshop to help improve interpreting. I've learned that constant learning is an important part of honing a craft. So today I'm grateful that I belong to an organization (NAIE) that constant gives opportunities to continue my education.  Go knowledge!!

I'm grateful for cat cuddles! 🐱

I'm not doing okay today. I'm quite emotional, irritable, and  just want to escape. I want to drown my emotions/sorrows in junk food but don't want the reprecussions. I might make a Chaffle later... So what am I thankful/grateful for today? That is the question... After sitting for a few minutes pondering, I am thankful to have the will to stop and think before I react. Doesn't me I always do that. I can be irrational at times. But me not eating everything in the house right after lunch shows me that I'm slowly changing what food means to me. 

I'm feeling a little out of sorts this morning. Jerry is at the office today so I'm home alone which you know a year ago wouldn't bother me but now it's like weird. Anyway, it's going to be one of those surfacy type grateful days because I just can't deal with much. So today I'm grateful for peanut butter. That's right. I said peanut butter. It's easy. It's somewhat nutritious. If you don't eat the whole jar which in yours pass I would have done but now I'm trying to get ahold of mindful eating so now I know it's a staple. That's good in the right proportions so I'm going to go eat my bagel with peanut butter and ponder my day at home alone.

I love my job. I especially love it when I get to interpret for a fun subject or a great presenter. It just makes everything about my interpretation flow so today I'm grateful for awesome teachers that I get to interpret for at my school.

Day 24 I took a nap and woke up to delicious smells. Jerry's had cooked dinner. I'm grateful to have a partner who likes to cook. Day 25 I'm lazy, I won't lie about that. I'd rather veg out on the couch than do anything. It seems a weird to be thankful for "veg out time" but I am. It's time I can turn off my brain and relax. 

This morning Jerry was going to get his haircut, and we thought his car was fine because he started it yesterday, but the battery was dead. Thankfully we have two cars, and my car just came back from the shop to get all fixed up because it was going dead because when you don't drive your car because of the pandemic, it needs some TLC. So I'm thankful we had two cars today.

 Friday...finally.  Today I'm grateful for upcoming weekends.  They hold such potential.  Yes, I usually don't end up doing much because of the pandemic. The weather will be clear but cool on Saturday, so maybe some porch time during the sunny hours. Fresh air is always good.  Sunday looks a little wet, but that's good for watching some TV or gaming.

Some days it's harder for me to pick what grateful for...There are so many things. The purpose of this excercise is to focus myself.  So...today I'm grateful for my work. I'm interpreter in an educational setting for deaf and hard of hearing students. I love what I do. It's neat to see the minds develop over the years. I love American Sign Language (ASL) and respect the deaf and hard of hearing community. This career was a late in life choices and I'm thankful that I was able to follow that nagging calling to become an interpreter. 

I'm grateful to be a United States of America citizen today!  The Inauguration was amazing. Congratulations President Biden and Vice President Harris!!!!

Tonight I watched as President-elect Biden and Vice President-elect Harris were are the Lincoln memorial to remember the 400,000 lives lost to the Coronavirus. I voted as the nurse sang "Amazing Grace" just as she does for her patients. I am in awe of the flags that represent the 200,000 people who would attend tomorrow's Inauguration of we weren't in the middle of a pandemic. The glow of the lights in the reflection pool are a somber reminder of just how much we have lost. Diy what do I have to be grateful for? The hope of healing, the hope of positivity, and the hope for a smooth transition to a new administration tomorrow. 

Feeling anxious for the inauguration on the 20th. In my heart I know it will all be okay...I tend to worry. I have been breaking out in hives all weekend. So as silly as this sounds, I'm grateful for benedryl and it's "my skin is on fire" soothing abilities. 

I'm grateful for cat snuggles. I'm not the favorite in the house, Jerry has that all wrapped up.  Any snuggles I get are appreciated. 

I'm grateful to be able to sleep in on the weekends. While I might wake up at my not al time, I often head right back to bed and snooze a little longer. 

Day 14: I really hate when I skip a day. I see it as a failure but I understand. Perfection is an illusion so I'm just going to carry on. So what am I grateful for day 14? Long sleeve pajamas. I often get pulled and it's usually my arm is in hands so long sleeve night shirts, pajamas PJs, whatever... are great for me. Day 15: Today I'm grateful for peanut butter. Quick, easy, and super yummy. During those times when I really can't decide what I want to eat I will have toast with peanut butter. I'll eat it with crackers, bread, apples, celery...there isn't much I won't try with it.  It's my go to staple food. 

Most Wednesday nights, Jerry and I head to the kitchen together and cook a spaghetti meal. It's not by scratch or anything fancy, just hanging out in the kitchen cracking the same jokes as the week before. So today, I am grateful for Spaghetti Wednesdays. 🍝

I really haven't gone anywhere since March. That means my car has been sitting quite a bit. The first time I'm guessing was in a late April and the battery was dead. No worries. Just jumped it and it was fine. We then started starting a car at least once a week to make sure that the battery would charge. And then once a week wasn't enough. I ended up having to start my car everyday otherwise it would be dead. So this morning we woke up before work and took my car to the shop. I'm going to get the whole shebang done battery oil change, yada yada yada.... So today I'm grateful that we have the means to keep our cars in good condition. I think I'm going to start taking Sunday drives or something to keep the car running. Also it gets me out of the house.

It's been a difficult week with the increase of COVID cases in our country as well as the seditious act on the 6th that took place at the Capitol in DC. So today I'm most grateful for a like minded husband who tolerates my rants many political questions, and sudden sob sessions. I feel very fortunate that I have someone to talk to about all of this. Sure...I tweet but I feel like that's an empty void at times. I think 80% of my followers are probably bots. 😂

Gluten Free Pancakes!! That's right I'm grateful for pancakes. Having to go gluten free because of my Hashimoto's can be frustrating at times. Those darn commercials for stuff crust pizzas make me sad. A local restaurant has a great gluten free friendly menu and on that menu are ✨ gluten free pancakes! 🥞  They are delicious and I have no clue if they taste close to regular pancakes but I think they are delicious. ...and that's what is important. 

Today I'm grateful for our local farms delivery. Every week we receive a bag full of veggies, 2 dozen eggs, and once a month a box full of meat products. We have been enjoying the fresh foods and love that it's a sourced from local are farms. 

I'm grateful that I can work from home. I am not feeling well today so working from home was a huge plus. I didn't have to take a day off, I could manage what's going on and still attend all the classes to interpret for the student. 

Wow yesterday was crazy. I would never think there would be an attempted coup.  The actions of the few MAGA supporters tried to disrupt a procedural ceremony that wasn't going to change the outcome of the election.  So for yesterday, I am grateful for the women and men of the Senate and House of Representatives for finishing thier task last night in the week hours.  Day 7 - I'm thankful for coffee. Lots and lots coffee to combat me staying up to watch what I learned was a very elegant ceremony of counting the electoral votes.

As I wake up this morning, I head back to work. Winter break is officially over. I'm grateful that I can work from home during this time and am feeling very fortunate. 

I'm grateful for hot showers. 

I'm grateful for clean water to drink. 

I feel grateful that I have a job that allows me to stay safe and work from home during COVID-19. Not everyone is as lucky and while I feel some guilt about that I'm trying to not that consume me. 

Over the next year I will be jotting down things I'm grateful for. It may be deep, it may be superficial. Either way for me to thank the universe of my existence.  I am thankful the opportunity to have another day on Earth. 

  Since last week, I quit tracking my foods. I quit counting calories. I quit obsessing over things, and I have felt better.  I'm trying to be mindful of what goes into my body and remember that it needs fuel. But not crappy fuel, because just like a machine with improper fuel, it may work but not reliably. I want my body to become reliable.  My thyroid panel came back, and it's on its way to where it needs to be, but that is only part of the equation for me. I also need to keep my kidney in check and my A1c, which is also coming down. I know food intake is a key factor, and that's why I'm turning towards mindful eating. So what does that mean to me? Thinking about what's going in my body. How is that going to affect my systems? Savoring the flavors of each bite. Putting my fork down between bites. Not rushing through a meal. Listening to my body tell me when it's hungry vs. thirsty. (HUGE learning curve for me.)  Yes, I know it is the holidays, but with just Je...

I'm saying it. I own it. I'm not doing okay right now.  I have gained so much weight despite my truest efforts. (80+ days of journaling what I eat.) Yes, my thyroid is out of whack, but I have never felt so lost with this. I feel like every bite of food I take is another mail on my coffin. I know that isn't healthy. I know I need to eat to live. I know all of this, but I'm tired of being fat. Beyond fat, morbidly obese.... I stopped journaling what I eat. It isn't helping, and I can't obsess about that, it isn't healthy either.  Because I'm so large, moving around has become a chore. I want to cry every time I think about going out because it means moving and gasping for air. After all, every step is a workout. I am trying to move more. I know I need to get up between classes. Working from home has made it easy to just sit there...but that isn't healthy. Do you see a pattern?? Nothing is healthy...nothing...  

Sorry for showing empathy to a person who I didn't know, out there trying to make a living during this pandemic. That poor person waited over an hour on a restaurant that forgot to turn on their tablet for their delivery orders. She probably could have done two runs waiting on our order and excuse me for feeling bad for her.  Fuck that.....

I have been out of my house six times since March 16th.  Coincidently, that's my birthday. This COVID19 is really changing how I see the world.  You can see a lot of people pulling together to get PPEs to our essential workers.  Speaking of which, they need a pay raise.  A big one. Restaurants, grocery store employees, delivery people, distribution personnel, of course, our first responders and health care providers.  I could talk for hours about how many people need to be paid more. Personally, I am lucky that our school district has decided to do distance learning via Microsoft Teams.  It's been interesting but three weeks in and the students are asking for video conferences and are becoming more efficient in their navigating skills.  This is good, as it's preparing them for real-world application use.  Both Jerry and I are working from home.  We have had a few bumps in the "office" but have a schedule and follow it pretty much every day....

Whew!  My chest x-ray where unremarkable.  My kidney levels are stable. The doctor talked about possibly doing some genetic testing, but at this point, it isn't required.  Apparently, new research has shown clusters of genetic mutations for different kinds of cancer.  My parent's cancer and mine don't seem to be in a cluster group, but the research is still new, so, at this point in time, no testing is recommended. In six months, we will do another chest x-ray and a sonogram on my right kidney to make sure there isn't anything "going on" there. I'm glad I moved my appointment before spring break, so I can just relax next week.

Today I went to get my chest x-ray to see if my kidney cancer metastasized and traveled to my lungs. Whee? No. I have been pretty glum about this all weekend. Crying. Yelling, “I’m afraid” and just generally mopey. I know, rationally, I should be fine. But cancer if fucking scary. It looms like a monster under the bed, ready to grab your ankle as you wake up. Ok...maybe not that scary, but it does loom. Today’s appointment was just annoying. President’s Day is one of those Mondays that I’m off from school. I tried to get a different time, but I was too lazy to call earlier. Maybe it was because I didn’t really want to have my x-ray. So...appointment set from 8:20am. I get there around 8:05, so I can do all the check-in paperwork, etc. 8:20 comes and goes... 8:40 comes and goes... Finally, at 8:58, I asked how much longer, and they checked with the tech and told me a few minutes longer. Another 15 minutes and finally they take me back.  The room is freezing. Tha...

I love Christmas lights.  Twinkly little points of light make me happy.  I was excited to plug in the outside lights this year.  Until they didn't work.  My heart sank.  We have rechargeable, and I thought it was charging, but it wasn't.  I tried charging them again, but to no avail, the lights didn't come one.  Jerry finally got involved and finagled the charging battery, and after a night of charging, I had my twinkle lights on the porch.  Yay, it was Christmasy!  I didn't put up Christmas decorations in the house until the 20th of the month.  I thought about it doing it earlier but just felt "meh" about it, so I put it off.  The day I decided to put up some lights across our mantle was sad.  My lighted garland was dead.  I wiggled each light, couldn't see if any were burned out to change so that the twinkly strand of lights would work again.  Jerry came up that evening to "emotional Jeanne" and tried his best ...

I'm feeling much better.  Just a cold now, but that is going to be all the time at school.  It seems this year the kids don't know how to "vampire cough" or that they should rub the snot onto their hands and then touch things.  This is why I don't share pencils or pens with students.  I secretly don't like giving them to other adults either.  I wouldn't say I'm a germ-a-phobic, but you can never be too careful. Jerry and I went and saw Jekyll & Hyde  at the Alhambra Dinner Theatre.  I love that we have season tickets.  Later this month, our FSCJ season starts.  We will see Wicked the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  I'm excited. Speaking of holidays.  We didn't hand out candy this year for Halloween.  I think maybe next year we will.  We'll see...  We have been invited to Jerry's sister's house for Thanksgiving.  We are going to take some gluten-free dressing. YUM! Christmas is still too far off.  I di...

This past month was not fun. Mid-September I had an ear infection that caused laryngitis and temporary hearing loss in my right ear.  I went to my primary care doctor and got a round of antibiotics. Nothing cleared up, so I ended up back at an ENT's office, and they confirmed the ear infection and hearing loss (moderate to severe) with a hearing test.  Yet another antibiotic, stronger... About five days into that round of medicine, I developed what I call "the three hours of hell."  The first hour was uncontrollable shivering, followed by high fevers (topped off at 103.5 at it's worst), finally ending in an hour of heat intolerance.  Finally, I went back to my PCP and got a flu test (NEG), and she put me on Tamiflu.  Great...more pills.  Another five days until the fevers broke, and I started feeling better. Poor Jerry took care of me during all of this.  I wasn't eating much as there were days I couldn't keep anything down.  I lost 16 pound...

A week ago, I lost (temporarily?) my hearing in my right ear due to an ear infection.  I have been to the doctor and today was the last day of a round of antibiotics.  I did feel some pressure release today in my ear, but I still can't hear.  This makes being an interpreter difficult.  Last week was a struggle to hear the teachers as students continued to talk while the teacher was talking.  Or tap their pencils repeatedly on the desk during class.  Even the AC unit seemed to have it out for me this week.  I came home every night, my brain exhausted with trying to hear and figure out what was being said all day long. I really thought I was doing better until today when we went to the grocery store, and the clerk kept asking me questions about how I wanted my groceries bagged.  At one point I said that I had a bad cold and really couldn't hear very well, hoping she would take the hint and stop talking to me.  Nope.  The barrage of que...

Happy birthday, Mom.  I miss you terribly.  She is always with me.  Little things remind me of her.  Last night there at our dinner theatre we were at a "meet and greet" with some of the cast, and fellow season ticket holders and there is a woman who is older than us that I started to talk with.  She is a piano teacher, 57 years.  She wears these cute matchy skirts, shirts, vests that remind me of mom's fashion sense.  She and her husband attend the symphony, they come to the dinner theatre.  *sigh*  I bet mom and dad would love coming to the Alhambra with us. In the teacher's lounge, co-workers talk about their parents, and I get a little envious.  I laugh at their stories, nod as they talk about the crazy things their mothers do and wish for my mom's witty, dry comments to keep me in check.  One more call, one more hug, one more piano duet...I would still want more. 

Thoughts on getting more people involved in the voting process. Thoughts on educating people on how to look for facts among the political rhetoric. Thoughts on spreading more love, less hate. Prayers that people vote out hate and vote in hope. Prayers that people are open-minded. Prayers that love conquers hate.

My parents both passed away in 2010.  Today is my dad's birthday, he would have been 90.  If I close my eyes, I can hear mom singing her "You're much older than I" song that she would taunt him with.  He was 15 days older than her. I had a full-on break-down last week.  I sat and sobbed because I missed both my parents immensely.  You'd think after nine years I would have a grip on grief, but it comes in waves.  You never move on, it's always there.  You live with it. My niece posted a  video  about moving forward with grief recently.  I had seen this video before she posted it, but it was exactly what I needed. Most days, I'm good.  Then there are those days when you want to be comforted by the people who have shown you love no matter what.  That infused you being with their humor, quirks, and sense of being.

Today I am thinking about the upcoming school year. I know..why would I be doing that while on summer break? I want to put my wish for next year out into the universe. I wish for the next year that the administration will look at each student as an individual and not a number. That they look at the needs of EACH individual child and not try to lump them together to save money. I know...especially in this budget. As for the Deaf/Hard of Hearing (DHH) students, that means that one interpreter for multiple students is not suitable for anyone. DHH students have different language needs, and one interpreter can not interpret multiple ways for comprehension during a class. It's physically impossible. Because of the shortfall, the interpreter ends up trying to select a "general" language mode, knowing that some of the students aren't going to understand. It's heartbreaking. Middle school is hard enough. Going from the comfort of one teacher for most of your...

I just got home from my appointment with my new endocrinologist.  WOW, that's how I remember a doctor appointment should be.  She took her time with me.  Over an hour appointment and the doctor told me she wished there was more time because she wanted to make sure we clear about the plan moving forward.  I didn't even get this much attention when things were life-threatening. I'm back on some medication for diabetes as my fasting blood sugars keep going up.  A1C is at 6, so we are going back on Metformin but only 1000 mg total per day.  Also, because my TSH is back up, she is increasing that medication.  My B12 was low, so she wants me to take a supplement for that.  She looked at me and said there was a reason I was having problems getting the weight off, moving, and with fatigue.  It feels good to hear that there are reasons.  As you recall from a previous post, I had problems walking around a hotel, well no freakin' kidding. Now I k...

Today, I am rededicating myself to eating healthy and working on losing weight. I weighed myself this morning. I have planned out today's meals. I know that planning will help me control portions and intake. I will use the two liters of water I need to drink as a way to stave off hunger along with teas. Tomorrow I go to my new endocrinologist, and I will go with an open mind and be willing and accept what she has to say. Part of being Jeanne is loving myself, even when I'm obese but not accepting that I have to be a big woman.

Argh!! I'm so tired of this weight.  I'm going to seriously focus on this. Why is my addition, food?  Why do we need to eat to stay alive? When I quit smoking, I just gave them up, but you can't do that with food. Last week we went to Dallas for Jerry's work conference.  I was miserable.  I could barely get around.  I was winded after walking from one area of the hotel to another. I didn't want to leave the hotel room to socialize.  My feet swell so much that I can barely get my shoes on, never mind bending down to put them on is a challenge. Seriously, it's bad, and I'm super sad about it. I'm going to the doctor this week, and I know she is going to yell at me. I had lab work on Saturday, so hopefully, that isn't going wrong too.  I have been doing well.  Argh... Emotional eating is the worst too.  You eat, then feel bad for eating. The goal for the week, log my food in my LoseIt app.  Every bite.  EVERY. SINGLE. ...

Today is the anniversary of the day my cancer was removed.  Weird sentence to type out.  Still seems surreal that I had cancer. I lost so much weight and was feeling good about that and "BAM" it was cancer.  I am one of the lucky ones. My tumor was contained inside my kidney so they took my whole left kidney. Since then, I have several scans to make sure it didn't spread and so far my luck is still flowing. I will do probably do those scans for the rest of my life. The new normal is okay though. I didn't die. I survived after a hellish experience in the hospital and months of recovery. The weight has come back, and that has me pissed off. It doesn't matter if I restrict calories, give up dairy, sugar, or eating all together the scales aren't budging. I know my thyroid messes with my body but it has been fairly stable. It's bumming me out! Speaking of the thyroid, my doctor for more than a decade has retired so I start a new endocrinologist in mi...

Last night I was visited by my mom in a dream.  It was one of those vivid dreams where I felt I could reach out and touch the surroundings and remember colors and whatnot. I remember that Mom was in China, living her solitude life after Dad passed, which is odd because she passed four months before him.  I wasn't with her the entire time of the dream.  Part of it was like I was observing her from afar.  She had a quaint life there, one that you would expect if you were a senior citizen in China. Alright, maybe a more romantic version of life in China.  Never the less, there she was, strolling through gardens with beautiful blooming Sakura trees.  Sitting on benches as she read her book. Meandering over to a market to get some food to either eat there or take home to cook for herself.  It was pleasant.  I do remember a conversation where she told me about an upcoming wedding in the family and that she was excited. The conversation was short thou...

This month has me reflecting a lot on my life. A year ago I was waiting to have surgery. I had lost a ton of weight, and I was excited about that but now know that it was because of cancer. So while I'm happy they were able to remove the tumor, I'm sad that within a month I gained all the weight I had lost. All of it. 😔 I have been really working on my diet and moving a little more and nothing. Doctors have suggested bariatric surgery in the past, but now that I only have one kidney, I don't think that is a good option. Even though my A1C was only 5.4, my blood sugar has been creeping up in the mornings, so I asked to be put on medicine.  I am not going to let last year be the decline.  What does this all mean, why am I writing this?  For me...so I can put it out to the universe that I need help.  I need encouragement.  Not from you reader, from myself.  I need to own this if it's going to work.  I know work is stressing me out.  We have th...

May 1st is an odd day for me now.  Last year, it was the day I was told I had cancer.  I'm still blown away by that.  I will never forget that Jerry had a gut feeling and knew that he needed to come to that doctor appointment.  That I would need him.  Funny...weird...

The fear of cancer rearing it's ugly head is always present.  I have been having some pain in my remaining kidney.  That on top of a doctor telling me that he is worried about my kidney lab levels has me freaked. I set up an appointment with the doctor who removed cancer almost a year ago, and he reassured me that my levels, for only having one kidney were decent.  He did set me up for a CT scan which I did,  but had to wait two weeks for the doctor to tell me the results. Today was my appointment to get my results. The kidney is not compromised!  Doing well.  No enlargement. So my pain must be something else.  It's funny because this past weekend there were a few days where I didn't have any pain.  I have been hydrating myself better.  When talking to the doctor today, he said that he wasn't any kind of an expert in back pain and I mentioned how it feels better when I'm well hydrated, and he said that when we become dehydrated, an...

I am a princess, and I fully admit that I love being treated that way.  Finding Jerry 23 years ago was amazing as he totally gives into my princess-ness.  During March, my birthday month, he does a fantastic job of stepping it up.  It makes me look bad because his birthday month is February and I am not as apt at the doting as he is. Seriously, tree Funko badass women figures, a sonic screwdriver, lots of doting, and more to come...I love birthday month! I have been doing a lot of reflecting in the past year.  Life changing illness can do that to a person. I always seem to be going to the doctor around my birthday.  The fact that I have spring break off gives me the opportunity to go to the doctor without burning a day off of work.  I'd rather use those for "mental health" days than actually going to a doctor appointment. Last week, I went to my Endocrinologist for a thyroid checkup.  That also includes diabetes type 2. You know, because one a...

Last year was a challenge.  I'm not gonna lie, I know that it is February, but it has taken me this long to resolve my feelings for last year. Don't get me wrong, there were some beautiful moments last year.  For spring break we went to Kennedy Space Center and then to Universal Studios.  We hadn't been to either in years.  We need another trip to Kennedy soon as we didn't get to see everything we wanted to.  As far as Universal, we loved the Harry Potter areas.  Worth the admission right there. In October we traveled across the pond to visit London, UK.  Amazing! I loved it there and wish we had gone for a more extended trip.  I genuinely have tons to be thankful for, and I remind myself often of that.  That is why this year, 2019, I really need to get a handle of my health.  That includes weight, body, mind, spirit, and weight.  Yes, I know I said weight twice, but it is probably the thing that I need the most help with....

I'm figuring out what my online presence will look like...please be patient.