what I need....

https://www.verywellmind.com/giving-cheating-spouse-second-chance-2303074

Homework #14

14. If you could change one thing about your home, what would it be?

The freaking computer room. It's cluttered, it's dated and I just don't like it. It used to be a place where we collaborated. And then it became his office. And then it became his playground and it makes me sick. 

visit...

Jerry came over to get some clothes and stuff. It was all right at first and then apparently he needed to do the bird feeder which I don't really care about. He also then just seemed anxious to get out of here so apparently an hour is all he can stand of me. I don't know what to do at this point. He left and so I called him  and said that totally sucked and that that half ass hug was lame. I don't know that it was for him though because all I get is surfacey crap. I get no real emotion from him and as he puts it, life is too short. And I choose not to live my life without emotions. I'm not a pod person....   At this rate I don't know what to do.. 

Homework #20

20. Be your own best friend and write a letter to yourself telling yourself precisely what you need to hear.

Dear Jeanne,

It's been too long. I can't believe how good you are looking. It looks like you have taken charge of your health and it's showing. You seem to glow from within. 

Loving the smile! It radiates and really brightens a room. I know it was painful but I can see that it's exactly what you needed. 

The curls are lovely. Yes, they can get wild but that is you. You can be wild as well. 

I know these 2 weeks have been the hardest you have faced. I know you are missing your parents and wish they could be here to help guide you. They are...you know you are hearing their wisdom in your thoughts.

This wasn't about you. You didn't force him to cheat., He chooses to live that. And I understand why you are hurting. But that will pass. 

You will love and be loved completely again! You are worthy of so much. 

Keep your head up,

Me

Kondo life

Two full bags of clothes are going to Goodwill today.  As Marie would say, "If it doesn't spark joy..." Out it goes.  I have more to dig out in the back room, but my "closet" and dressers have been cleared out.  I'm sure there is more I can pitch, but I'm holding onto things...I don't know why.   I'll get there. 

Last week, I made the living room "clutter-free."  It makes me happy  :)

I really need to do the dining room.  ...and the computer room (UGH) and the backroom that should be a guest room, but now it's a junk room.  

Homework #10

10.  What do you value more than anything?

Honesty!  I'd rather you be upfront with me than gaslight me.  The truth always comes out; the more you lie, the more I will pull away.  Yes, it can be hard to admit to things, but it can be discussed and fixed if it's out there.  Lie after lie just buries the issues, and nothing gets accomplished. 

communication breakdown....

I will work on communicating with you... But that means only to talk about finances cuz that's all. Apparently we can talk about that's not any kind of a relationship. That's what you do with your fucking accountant. Oh he is an "accountant"  I forgot...