Being Jeanne...

Whew!  My chest x-ray where unremarkable.  My kidney levels are stable. The doctor talked about possibly doing some genetic testing, but at this point, it isn't required.  Apparently, new research has shown clusters of genetic mutations for different kinds of cancer.  My parent's cancer and mine don't seem to be in a cluster group, but the research is still new, so, at this point in time, no testing is recommended. In six months, we will do another chest x-ray and a sonogram on my right kidney to make sure there isn't anything "going on" there. I'm glad I moved my appointment before spring break, so I can just relax next week.

Today I went to get my chest x-ray to see if my kidney cancer metastasized and traveled to my lungs. Whee? No. I have been pretty glum about this all weekend. Crying. Yelling, “I’m afraid” and just generally mopey. I know, rationally, I should be fine. But cancer if fucking scary. It looms like a monster under the bed, ready to grab your ankle as you wake up. Ok...maybe not that scary, but it does loom. Today’s appointment was just annoying. President’s Day is one of those Mondays that I’m off from school. I tried to get a different time, but I was too lazy to call earlier. Maybe it was because I didn’t really want to have my x-ray. So...appointment set from 8:20am. I get there around 8:05, so I can do all the check-in paperwork, etc. 8:20 comes and goes... 8:40 comes and goes... Finally, at 8:58, I asked how much longer, and they checked with the tech and told me a few minutes longer. Another 15 minutes and finally they take me back.  The room is freezing. Tha...

This past month was not fun. Mid-September I had an ear infection that caused laryngitis and temporary hearing loss in my right ear.  I went to my primary care doctor and got a round of antibiotics. Nothing cleared up, so I ended up back at an ENT's office, and they confirmed the ear infection and hearing loss (moderate to severe) with a hearing test.  Yet another antibiotic, stronger... About five days into that round of medicine, I developed what I call "the three hours of hell."  The first hour was uncontrollable shivering, followed by high fevers (topped off at 103.5 at it's worst), finally ending in an hour of heat intolerance.  Finally, I went back to my PCP and got a flu test (NEG), and she put me on Tamiflu.  Great...more pills.  Another five days until the fevers broke, and I started feeling better. Poor Jerry took care of me during all of this.  I wasn't eating much as there were days I couldn't keep anything down.  I lost 16 pound...

A week ago, I lost (temporarily?) my hearing in my right ear due to an ear infection.  I have been to the doctor and today was the last day of a round of antibiotics.  I did feel some pressure release today in my ear, but I still can't hear.  This makes being an interpreter difficult.  Last week was a struggle to hear the teachers as students continued to talk while the teacher was talking.  Or tap their pencils repeatedly on the desk during class.  Even the AC unit seemed to have it out for me this week.  I came home every night, my brain exhausted with trying to hear and figure out what was being said all day long. I really thought I was doing better until today when we went to the grocery store, and the clerk kept asking me questions about how I wanted my groceries bagged.  At one point I said that I had a bad cold and really couldn't hear very well, hoping she would take the hint and stop talking to me.  Nope.  The barrage of que...

I just got home from my appointment with my new endocrinologist.  WOW, that's how I remember a doctor appointment should be.  She took her time with me.  Over an hour appointment and the doctor told me she wished there was more time because she wanted to make sure we clear about the plan moving forward.  I didn't even get this much attention when things were life-threatening. I'm back on some medication for diabetes as my fasting blood sugars keep going up.  A1C is at 6, so we are going back on Metformin but only 1000 mg total per day.  Also, because my TSH is back up, she is increasing that medication.  My B12 was low, so she wants me to take a supplement for that.  She looked at me and said there was a reason I was having problems getting the weight off, moving, and with fatigue.  It feels good to hear that there are reasons.  As you recall from a previous post, I had problems walking around a hotel, well no freakin' kidding. Now I k...

Argh!! I'm so tired of this weight.  I'm going to seriously focus on this. Why is my addition, food?  Why do we need to eat to stay alive? When I quit smoking, I just gave them up, but you can't do that with food. Last week we went to Dallas for Jerry's work conference.  I was miserable.  I could barely get around.  I was winded after walking from one area of the hotel to another. I didn't want to leave the hotel room to socialize.  My feet swell so much that I can barely get my shoes on, never mind bending down to put them on is a challenge. Seriously, it's bad, and I'm super sad about it. I'm going to the doctor this week, and I know she is going to yell at me. I had lab work on Saturday, so hopefully, that isn't going wrong too.  I have been doing well.  Argh... Emotional eating is the worst too.  You eat, then feel bad for eating. The goal for the week, log my food in my LoseIt app.  Every bite.  EVERY. SINGLE. ...

Today is the anniversary of the day my cancer was removed.  Weird sentence to type out.  Still seems surreal that I had cancer. I lost so much weight and was feeling good about that and "BAM" it was cancer.  I am one of the lucky ones. My tumor was contained inside my kidney so they took my whole left kidney. Since then, I have several scans to make sure it didn't spread and so far my luck is still flowing. I will do probably do those scans for the rest of my life. The new normal is okay though. I didn't die. I survived after a hellish experience in the hospital and months of recovery. The weight has come back, and that has me pissed off. It doesn't matter if I restrict calories, give up dairy, sugar, or eating all together the scales aren't budging. I know my thyroid messes with my body but it has been fairly stable. It's bumming me out! Speaking of the thyroid, my doctor for more than a decade has retired so I start a new endocrinologist in mi...

This month has me reflecting a lot on my life. A year ago I was waiting to have surgery. I had lost a ton of weight, and I was excited about that but now know that it was because of cancer. So while I'm happy they were able to remove the tumor, I'm sad that within a month I gained all the weight I had lost. All of it. 😔 I have been really working on my diet and moving a little more and nothing. Doctors have suggested bariatric surgery in the past, but now that I only have one kidney, I don't think that is a good option. Even though my A1C was only 5.4, my blood sugar has been creeping up in the mornings, so I asked to be put on medicine.  I am not going to let last year be the decline.  What does this all mean, why am I writing this?  For me...so I can put it out to the universe that I need help.  I need encouragement.  Not from you reader, from myself.  I need to own this if it's going to work.  I know work is stressing me out.  We have th...

The fear of cancer rearing it's ugly head is always present.  I have been having some pain in my remaining kidney.  That on top of a doctor telling me that he is worried about my kidney lab levels has me freaked. I set up an appointment with the doctor who removed cancer almost a year ago, and he reassured me that my levels, for only having one kidney were decent.  He did set me up for a CT scan which I did,  but had to wait two weeks for the doctor to tell me the results. Today was my appointment to get my results. The kidney is not compromised!  Doing well.  No enlargement. So my pain must be something else.  It's funny because this past weekend there were a few days where I didn't have any pain.  I have been hydrating myself better.  When talking to the doctor today, he said that he wasn't any kind of an expert in back pain and I mentioned how it feels better when I'm well hydrated, and he said that when we become dehydrated, an...