Being Jeanne...

Work is a challenge right now. My student has left the school and I am being pushed to a department that I really don't care to work in. I could be a bitch and demand that the other person move, but I don't want to be that person. I wonder if this is a sign? And other news, Jerry called me on his way to his work event last night, which in my opinion is a huge win! It really made me happy to hear from him. Let's hope it wasn't a fluke. I am however having to take care of my own needs because I feel like I've been rejected in that department. I understand that there are medical issues but... I've put in the time. I feel that maybe I should be getting some focused attention. I'm sure a lot of what I'm feeling today is because I'm sad about this student leaving. 

Why does my gut tell me that I am second fiddle? I don't have any proof. I just know that I want more.... I wish you would just fucking tell me. Yes Jeannie. You're right, I talk to other women way more than I talk to you. I love talking to you but there's just no chemistry because that's how I'm beginning to feel is that he doesn't want to have sexy fun time with me because there is no chemistry. Well you know what be a man. Grab your balls and do something. 

So we have a big talk and I pour my emotions out and then the next night I'm going to bed alone. AGAIN! No worries, I'll just masturbate and make sure "my cup is full!" 

October 12th, Looks like I'm celebrating the day alone... I'm not surprised... 

 I'm finding I'm mirroring the energy I'm getting. And it's not good.  It's how we ended up before.  If I bring it up, though, he'll roll his eyes and stop listening to me.  I'm so over feeling like this and not feeling like I'm starting a roommate situation again.  Oh yea...I saw a picture of him with his wedding band on, which made me cry.  He doesn't give a fuck or he would fix it.  He always says he just wants to fix things when I bring up a problem but apparently not this one.  Memory flashback us trying on rings Me: How does it look? Jerry: Trapped Who knew that it would come to that. 

I wish I would have had a mirror to show you the face that you were giving me. You're being fucking ridiculous for being pissed off but I messed with the curtains to your fucking bedroom. 

 That's what I need to focus on.  I'm getting tired of asking for a sexy, fun time.  I'm tired of him tilting the phone away from me in the living room; I'm tired of him not sharing things with me and then later, he'll ask me if he told me things... Obviously, he is sharing with someone, and that person isn't me. 

I had to leave the room because I couldn't stand the tilting of the phone away so he could text his people after 9:00 p.m. Who texts people after 9:00 p.m. when you're in a committed or what I thought was a committed relationship. And why don't you share about your friends? You never talk about anyone. It's weird I don't like it, and it's weird. What the fuck do you have to hide from me anyway?