Being Jeanne...

My parents both passed away in 2010.  Today is my dad's birthday, he would have been 90.  If I close my eyes, I can hear mom singing her "You're much older than I" song that she would taunt him with.  He was 15 days older than her. I had a full-on break-down last week.  I sat and sobbed because I missed both my parents immensely.  You'd think after nine years I would have a grip on grief, but it comes in waves.  You never move on, it's always there.  You live with it. My niece posted a  video  about moving forward with grief recently.  I had seen this video before she posted it, but it was exactly what I needed. Most days, I'm good.  Then there are those days when you want to be comforted by the people who have shown you love no matter what.  That infused you being with their humor, quirks, and sense of being.

Last night I was visited by my mom in a dream.  It was one of those vivid dreams where I felt I could reach out and touch the surroundings and remember colors and whatnot. I remember that Mom was in China, living her solitude life after Dad passed, which is odd because she passed four months before him.  I wasn't with her the entire time of the dream.  Part of it was like I was observing her from afar.  She had a quaint life there, one that you would expect if you were a senior citizen in China. Alright, maybe a more romantic version of life in China.  Never the less, there she was, strolling through gardens with beautiful blooming Sakura trees.  Sitting on benches as she read her book. Meandering over to a market to get some food to either eat there or take home to cook for herself.  It was pleasant.  I do remember a conversation where she told me about an upcoming wedding in the family and that she was excited. The conversation was short thou...