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Showing posts from December, 2023

fuckity fuck

So I nap... One of the best ways for me to replenish my soul and lately every time I do, I have a bad dream. This time Jerry lies to me about where he was and I lost it... So then he comes and we go through all of his people that I suspected in interviews where they reveal how they liked each other and how far out went...   I hate liars... 😢
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dream

Had a dream last night where I was sending the Brady the address and we're having some kind of a reunion and Jerry was there and I was being snubbed by everybody and they all went to a farm and Jerry left me and went and partied and came back and he brought me this bottle of wine and it was called The affair and I was livid because I couldn't believe that he would go off and party with these people who were supposed to be honoring me as well and I asked him didn't you even think that it was weird that I wasn't there and he kept saying things like oh well, you know how I am, how I get. I didn't even think about it but I got to you this wine.  I'm really trying to make sure that this dream doesn't affect my whole day. I know dreams are not reality. 
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questions

Are you in 2 rooms or one.  2 beds? King bed?  What the fuck?!? I guess he hasn't made it clear we are back together. Maybe we aren't. Maybe it's just a ruse like my gut is telling me. I want go home.   Ignore me....sway back and forth and smile at your phone. Then criticize how long it would take me to walk . 1 miles. BTW it was 3 minutes NOT 10, fucker. And then the whole theater thing followed by the grand Inquisitor. FUCK this sucks. And I can't tell you because I do t think you would understand. So I guess I'll get used to you ignoring me..... But don't be surprised when I do it back... but here is the thing. I never phub you! You are the king of phubbing me. 
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COVID

Of course I have COVID so I can't go to the Sunday night game which means Jerry left me here all alone while I'm sick and now I'm running a fever and I'm just feeling I don't know. Like why wouldn't you fucking take care of me? Make sure that I'm getting enough fluids but you know what I'm going to make you feel like shit because when you come home I'm going to be like I don't already take care of that because you know what I can capable without you. Then you know what you can just fucking leave me because you'd be better off. I'd be happier and I wouldn't have to hear about crap through other people
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fuck fuck fuck

So you're giving people your credit card so that they can get things? That's why you're fucking hiding your credit card statements from me, isn't it. Also when you call somebody beautiful other than me there is emotional attachment and fuck you. If you say no it's just a word. Fuck you!!! 
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out of my comfort zone....

Heading to the DHH (Deaf and Hard of Hearing) Holiday gathering for the district. I didn't used to go to any of these things but life has taught me this past year that connections are important and you have to cultivate them. I'm looking forward to seeing people I don't get to see on a daily basis along with my "peeps!" 
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bird feeder.

Doing the bird feeder and makes a comment on how the seed will have to move to get the piece in there like I'm a idiot so I say, "I'm not an idiot." And his response is, "Why do yo do that? " Total invalidation of my feelings. DICK!! 
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Matinee

I'm not booking anything anymore for us to do.  He's forgotten about date night most likely. I just know it. We went to a matinee today and we barely even talked to each other. Why would I want to hang out with somebody who doesn't want to do things with me?  Why doesn't he just fucking leave me? It would be easier. I'm not going to leave him because I love and it's totally unhealthy and I'm not okay.... 😢😭
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