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I'm not okay...

I'm saying it. I own it. I'm not doing okay right now. 

I have gained so much weight despite my truest efforts. (80+ days of journaling what I eat.) Yes, my thyroid is out of whack, but I have never felt so lost with this. I feel like every bite of food I take is another mail on my coffin. I know that isn't healthy. I know I need to eat to live. I know all of this, but I'm tired of being fat. Beyond fat, morbidly obese....

I stopped journaling what I eat. It isn't helping, and I can't obsess about that, it isn't healthy either. 

Because I'm so large, moving around has become a chore. I want to cry every time I think about going out because it means moving and gasping for air. After all, every step is a workout. I am trying to move more. I know I need to get up between classes. Working from home has made it easy to just sit there...but that isn't healthy. Do you see a pattern?? Nothing is healthy...nothing...








 

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