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control, abandoment, marriage vows...

Those are the things that are holding me back right now. I never knew I was feeling abandoned but I guess that makes kind of sense and it's because I can't control it which I know I have control issues. So there's that problem and then I was reminded that if I wasn't in a marriage would I allow myself to live like this? And the answer was no. So there's something about that that is holding me back or slowing the process or something? If I wasn't married would I just move on or because I made a commitment to a marriage? Is that holding me back? These are the kind of questions that I wish that I could talk to him about but I don't ever see that happening and that right there might be the answer to it all. So yeah hands in your pocket. No hug. Good night. 

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